Sometimes...

Sometimes, I have those days when I feel I could just live an average life… go back home, get a job with a decent salary, a house, a car and just live… maybe even make the odd donation to a charity… volunteer my time to a cause that sounds good… be a good citizen…

then Sometimes there are days when I feel like mere existence would equate a slow death of who I am inside…

Sometimes I feel like I am destined to do something great… destined to leave my mark on this Earth… even if its just to provide a drop of water to the vast desert of human problems…

I just can’t help but feel like I want to know that someone out there can say “my life is better for having met Joy-Ann van Arneman”… sometimes anyway…

Sometimes I need to remind myself that I was not born with intrinsic superhero qualities… but HE who is my superhero… HE who began a great work in me… HE can make my life matter…

Sometimes I forget… lucky for me… He doesn’t.

I Tore You Up and Threw You Away

Write it down,
Pray about it,
Give it to Him,
Rip it up
Bin it
Receive His peaceSo I did

I wrote you down
All five of your pestering members
I formed your being on the paper with my pen
I wrote you into existence
Removed you from the refuge you had taken in my heart and mind
Deposited you on the paper in front of me
Careful to hide you from inquisitive eyes
Careful to protect those I love from your longing glancesYou continue to call to me like the woman in Proverbs

Tempting me with talk of spiced sheets and intoxicating loveBut through squinted eyes

Squinted to block out the glare of your appeal
I put you down on that paper
I tore you up
Dismembered
Bit by bit
Tiny as I could afford to goStill you tried to cry out

To escape your impending doom
Your dark grave beckoned
I prayed as I ripped
Tore
Demolished
I threw you away
Physically
Symbolically
I am released
I receive His peace
Goodbye
worry

I Miss You

I miss you
You slipped out
I was preoccupied with my notions that we were alright I wasn’t paying attention

I took you,
I took us for granted and now I
miss you

I can’t tell you
You don’t know You don’t understand I can’t explain you don’t even realise you’re gone but,

I lost you
I figure there may be a chance if I speak your language you know that language of flow and rhyme and verse but words escape me this time as I fail to adequately explain that I
miss you

I’m impatient for the time when you return, when you’re here and I don’t have to cry these tears or speak these sad words or think these sad thoughts because I won’t
miss you

It’s been a while

It’s been a while

I’ve been away

Ushered out with a lingering sunny kiss, An attempt to make me regret leaving.

Welcomed elsewhere with a sunny smile that held true warmth I’d almost forgotten

Entertained with hot bursts of sunshine, and bouts of grey to remind me what I had left behind

Still, I left

And returned to the familiar

Ushered in with torrential sobs, icy cold breaths yet a knowing embrace

Its been a while, I’ve been away.